Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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