I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
