so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
