Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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