listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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