burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
