Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
our cab driver is having phone sex.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I yelled at your uterus for you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
