i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
