Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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