you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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