remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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