oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
