Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
