just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
