it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
