You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
