Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
