I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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