omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
