shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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