im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize