mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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