how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
