this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
