Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
