I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
