Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
