so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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