I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
