Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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