Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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