brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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