i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
