The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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