it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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