i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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