i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
