So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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