Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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