this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
