Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
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