Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
there is glitter all over my balls
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
