i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Come on in and take your pants off
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