Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
