He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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