i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
