woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
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We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize