You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
