Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
