She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
