so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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