You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
