I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
