DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
