twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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