I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
