If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
