yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We left an ass print on the piano.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
