Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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