Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize