dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
