I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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