Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
