oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hippo gnu deer
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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