I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
