You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
