I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
